Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
