my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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