I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
