i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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