GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize