I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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