don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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