She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Operation Purity has been aborted
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
