yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
