Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
