I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
