He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
