I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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