I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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