Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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