Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You are the jesus of drinking
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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