I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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