I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
