i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
