Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
