final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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