I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize