$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
