Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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