so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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