I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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