I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
