There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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