I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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