fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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