New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
