one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
