it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
