Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found puke in my bra..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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