im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We talked him into tasing himself.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
