For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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