my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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