the condom got lost in my hair
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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