Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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