my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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