ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
