this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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