Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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