I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
