at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize