With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
