at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
