i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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