I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I need a burrito and a hug.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize