She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well, you know. whores of a feather.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
