dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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