my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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