whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We have so much sex to catch up on
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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