just tell him i said nine months
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
