All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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