Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
