i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
