Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
