bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
