You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
