What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
