If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
