So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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