Just cropdusted the office
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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