Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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