Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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