I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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