My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
