just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
