Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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