cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
