I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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