If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
