forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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