STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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