So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
