If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
